OceanSide church of Christ

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THE HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP

Victor M. Eskew

 

INTRODUCTION

 

A.    The apostle Paul gives one of the most detailed discussions about husbands and wives that is found in the Bible in Ephesians 5:22-33.

 

B.      The one thing that is impressed upon my mind in this text is that the husband-wife relationship is supposed to resemble the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:23-25).

 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:  and he is the Saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ love the church, and gave himself for it.

 

1.      The phrases:

a.      “as unto the Lord”

b.      “even as Christ”

c.       “as the church…so let”

d.      “even as Christ”

2.      These phrases stress the type of relationship that husband and wives should be seeking one with another.

a.      Although it is made up of humans, it should seek to be like the divine.

b.      Instead of focusing on the earthly, it should be centered in the spiritual.

 

C.     In this lesson, we want to focus on “The Husband-Wife Relationship” in a very general way.  We will be looking at what they should be and what they should not be.

 

I.          SOLO, NOT A DUO

 

A.    When a husband and wife are joined in holy matrimony, they become one flesh.  They are no more twain.

 

B.      This is the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 19:5-6a.

 

And said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:  and they twain shall be one flesh.  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh…

 

C.     This can be very difficult because we are still individuals after we have said the marriage vows.

1.      We have our own personalities.

2.      We have our own interests.

3.      We have our own personal goals.

4.      Too, there are many things that can drive husbands and wives apart:  children, work schedules, friends, hobbies and recreation, and sin.

 

D.    The husband and wife must remember that they are not two, but one.

1.      One in heart.

2.      One in spiritual interests.

3.      One in their approach to family

4.      One in dreams and desires.

5.      One in their labors together.

 

II.        FRIENDS, NOT ENEMIES

 

A.    Before becoming husband and wife, the two individuals were friends. 

 

B.      Being married, should not destroy a friendship.

1.      David and Jonathan were friends.

2.      When David became a prominent leader in the army of Israel, it did not change his friendship with Jonathan.  They were not both warriors and friends.

 

C.     The opposite of a friend is an enemy. 

1.      An enemy does not seek the best of his opponent.

2.      An enemy points out and exploits the weaknesses and faults of another.

3.      An enemy makes the life of his opposition miserable.

4.      An enemy plots and rejoices in the downfall of another.

 

D.    Husbands and wives need to be friends.  When I think of their friendship, two verses come to mind.

1.      Proverbs 17:17

 

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

 

2.      Proverbs 18:24

 

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly:  and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

 

III.       ENCOURAGERS, NOT DISCOURAGERS

 

A.    An encourager is a person who exhorts another to be his/her very best.

1.      The encourager sees the potential in another.

2.      The encourager “encourages” the other person to reach his/her potential.

3.      The encourager supports and uplifts in times of failure and discouragement.

4.      The encourager does not let the other person quit.

 

B.      In a marriage relationship, it is not always easy to encourage your partner to be his/her best.

1.      It means that you must sacrifice at times.

2.      It means that you might have to take the back-burner for a while.

3.      It means that you have to remain positive in the face of another’s adversity.

4.      It means that you might have to reap some negative attitudes and comments as you try to propel your spouse to be all he/she can be, especially when they do not want to.

 

C.     All husbands and wives need to become a Barnabas to one another.

1.      According to Acts 4:26, the name Barnabas means:  “the son of consolation.”

a.      Barnabas was one of the greatest sources of encouragement to Paul when he reached the city of Jerusalem.

b.      He encouraged and stood with John Mark after he had departed from the missionary group during the first missionary journey.

c.       He exhorted and comforted the churches along with Paul on the first missionary journey.

2.      Husbands and wife need to be there for one another, encouraging and pushing one another to greater heights in their lives.

3.      NOTE:  Each one of them should be exhorting the other to be the very best Christian he or she can possibly be. 

 

IV.       HELPERS, NOT HINRANCES

 

A.    Definitions

1.      Helper:

a.      A person who gives assistance and support

b.      The helper is the wind beneath the wings of another

2.      Hindrance: 

a.      One who causes delay, interruption, difficulty, one who impedes or stops

b.      The hindrance is the whirlwind that devastates and destroys.

 

B.      When God created the woman, he did so that she might be a “help” meet for Adam (Gen. 2:18).

 

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him.

 

C.     How do husbands and wives help one another?

1.      Good attitudes

2.      Positive words

3.      Fulfilling their responsibilities

4.      Pulling an extra load when needed:  children, chores, income, nurse, etc.

5.      Making the home a haven of happiness

6.      Do all that they can to fulfill their goals and dreams

7.      Encourage one another in their Christian walk

 

D.    NOTE:  If husbands and wives are looking for a 50/50 relationship when it comes to helping, they are badly mistaken. 

1.      Sometimes you only pull 10 to 20% while the other is burdened with more.

2.      Sometimes you are the one who is burdened with the 80 to 90% of the load.

 

E.      Here is an interesting example.  Abigail was a helper to her husband, even when he was a complete hindrance to his family (See I Samuel 25:14-31).

1.      Nabal’s decision to refuse to pay David and his men for their assistance brought the wrath of David upon him.

2.      Abigail rescued her husband and her home from the devastation.

 

V.        LOVERS, NOT HATERS

 

A.    Husband and wives should be lovers in every sense of the term.

1.      Proverbs 5:19

 

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

 

2.      I Corinthians 7:3

 

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:  and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

 

B.      They should never be haters of one another.

1.      Defined:  to dislike intensely or passionately, feel extreme aversion for, extreme hostility toward

2.      Hatred can happen in two ways:

a.      When a person does bad things against you.

b.      When a person seeks your best interest and you do not want those things.

3.      Two proverbs:

1.      Proverbs 10:12

 

Hatred stirreth up strifes:  but love covereth all sins.

 

2.      Proverbs 15:17

 

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

 

CONCLUSION

 

A.    There is nothing that we have said here that is not understood by those who are married.

1.      Marriage partners are one, not two.

2.      Marriage partners should be friends, not enemies.

3.      Marriage partners should be encouragers, not discouragers.

4.      Marriage partners should be helpers, not hindrances.

5.      Marriage partners should be lovers, not haters.

 

B.      Yet, we often find ourselves taking the wrong side in our marriage relationship.

1.      We are two, not one.

2.      We are enemies, not friends.

3.      We discourage rather than encourage.

4.      We hinder rather than help.

5.      We hate rather than love.

 

C.     When this happens, Satan has entered into our marriage.

1.      We must recognize the problem.

2.      We must address and alleviate the problem.

3.      If we do not, our marriages will be at risk.

4.      And sadly, 50% of all marriages, including Christian marriages, are ending in divorce.

 

D.    Let’s seek to make our marriages what God desires for them to be.