THE FEELINGS OF GREAT LOSS

Victor M. Eskew

 

          In the beginning God gave. After man sinned, sin started taking.  It was at that time that the feelings that accompany great loss rose within the hearts of humanity.  Adam and Eve lost the Garden of Eden.  “So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life” (Gen. 3:24).  They also lost a son to a jealous and angry brother.  “And Cain talked with Abel his brother:  and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him” (Gen. 4:8).  Ultimately, the first couple lost their lives.  “And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred thirty years:  and he died” (Gen. 5:5).

          Loss comes in many different packages.  A person can lose a golden opportunity.  An individual can lose his financial well-being.  The loss of health is another frequent experience of human beings.  Family, friends, and freedoms are additional losses that can be put on the list.  There have also been many individuals who have had to face the loss of their own lives before their lives were actually taken from the earth. 

          Every loss is first accompanied by denial.  When a person learns of a loss, one of the first words out of the person’s mouth is “no.”  Denial is a defense mechanism.  It helps an individual to experience the loss gradually instead of having to suffer its full emotional impact.  After denial, sorrow is experienced. Wailing, crying, and physical stamina will flow out of the person’s body.  This sorrow will usually continue into the other tunnels of grief.  Those who have experienced a great loss might slip into the bargaining mode.  They try to make deals, especially with God, in an attempt to reverse the loss that has been suffered. If their loss can be reversed, they promise to make significant changes in their lives. Following the stage of bargaining, many will vacillate between depression and anger.  Withdrawal usually accompanies depression.  Depression might also manifest itself in harm to oneself.  There have been those whose depression  has caused them to completely give up on life.  Relationships, health, and spiritual interests can be completely dissolved.  When anger arises, it can be directed toward a host of individuals from self to caregivers to God.  Some might act their anger out in harmful ways.  Some losses only require a few days to move beyond these difficult phases.  Other losses will find the person in the grief process for months, even years.  The end of the grief process is termed acceptance.  The person comes to terms with the loss.  Instead of the tsunami of sorrow and negative emotions, they only experience them in brief periods like unto waves from time to time.  Various things can trigger the negative emotions:  a time of year, a song, a recalled memory, etc. Acceptance is a positive component of grief.  Individuals have matured.  They are able to assist others who are experiencing similar losses.

          When we experience the feelings of great loss, there are several steps that Christians can take to assist them in properly handling their loss.  First, we should take our loss and our feelings before the throne of God.  Jesus did.  When Jesus was in the upper room celebrating the Passover with His disciples, He knew his execution would be the next day. He left that room and went to a quiet garden named Gethsemane.  His mission there was singular in nature.  “Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go yonder and pray” (Matt. 26:36).  And, pray He did.  He prayed three times.  He also prayed with great intensity.  The writer of Hebrews tells us that Jesus “offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him death” (Heb. 5:7).  He also prayed with a faith that was subject to the will of the heavenly Father.  “And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:  nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matt. 26:39).  In our grief, we need to take our feelings before the throne of God.

          Second, surround yourself with a positive support system.  Most people believe that they are strong and independent.  They have provided for themselves throughout the years.  Thus, they are confident they can survive a loss.  The feelings that come with loss, however, are difficult to anticipate.  Too, the harm they can bring to our lives because we think we can deal with them all alone can be dangerous to us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  It is good to have people around us who can support us, encourage us, challenge us, aid us, and hold us accountable.  Solomon plainly tells us that “two are better than one:  because they have a good reward for their labour.  For if they fall, the one will life up his fellow:  but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up” (Eccl. 4:9-10).  There have been many who have tried to suffer a loss by themselves.  Tragically, some of them have fallen, and no one was there to help them up.

          Third, when a person experiences a loss, he needs to do his best to remember that he is passing through the refiner’s fire.  This is not an easy truth to believe when the fire blazes around you.  However, the fire can make us better individuals.  The fire removes weak elements from our lives.  Too, it molds strength into our character.  Here are two passages from Holy Writ that confirm this teaching.  “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Rom. 5:3-5).  Then, in James 1:2-4, we read:  “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this that the trying of your faith worketh patience.  But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (Jam. 1:2-4).

          Fourth, always seek those things that are above.  Far too many Christians have made this world their home when it should not be.  Paul informs us that our citizenship is in heaven (Phil. 3:20).  The world is evil (1 John 5:19).  Satan is said to be the prince of it (John 12:31; Eph. 2:2).  This world and all that is in it will come to an end.  Only eternal things will endure.  Paul understood this and penned these words:  “For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;  while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen:  for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.  For we know that, if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens” (2 Cor. 4;16-5:1).

          Loss is part of life.  When we make this statement, we are not attempting to downplay the significance of loss.  We just want everyone to appreciate that truth.  Then, when loss comes a person is not totally devastated by it.  The individual can set his/her mind to meet the challenge.  No, it will not be easy.  However, with the help of others and with the divine help of God, we can be overcomers.  We can pass through the refiner’s fire and find ourselves vessels fit for the Master’s use.  My friend, are you experiencing loss right now?  Run to Gethsemane and pray.  Build a strong support network around you.  Accept the refiner’s fire.  Cast off the dross and be determined to shine brightly on the other side of the oven.  And, look to realms above.  Once we reach that destination, we will wonder why we were ever so closely attached to this world.