CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Victor M. Eskew

 

INTRODUCTION

 

A.   Examples:

1.    Lot’s herdmen and Abraham’s herdmen (Gen. 13:5-7a)

 

And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents.  And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together:  for the substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.  And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle…

 

2.    Sarai and Hagar (Gen. 16:4)

 

And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived:  and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.

 

3.    Joseph and his brethren (Gen. 37:3-4)

 

Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age:  and he made him a coat of many colours.  And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.

 

4.    The apostles (Matt. 20:24)

 

And when the ten heard it, they were moved with indignation against the two brethren.

 

5.    The Hebrews and Grecians (Acts 6:1)

 

And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration.

 

6.    Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:37-39a)

 

And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.  But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia and went not with them to the work.  And the contention was so sharp between them that they departed asunder one from another…

 

7.    Euodias and Syntyche (Phil. 4:2-3a)

 

I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.  And I entreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel…

 

B.   Each of these examples proves that strife can and will develop in the lives of the people of God. 

 

C.   When conflicts arise, how are we to handle these things?  “Conflict Resolution” is the subject of our lesson.

 

I.             WARNINGS

 

A.   Don’t let your pride get in your way (Prov. 11:2)

When pride cometh, then cometh shame:  but with the lowly is wisdom.           

 

1.    Pride argues.

2.    Pride fights.

3.    Pride is stubborn.

4.    Pride seeks to harm.

5.    Pride longs for victory at any cost.

 

B.   Watch your anger (Eph. 4:26-27)

 

Be ye angry, and sin not:  let not the sun go down upon your wrath:  neither give place to the devil.

 

1.    Anger says things that should not be said.

2.    Anger does things that should not be done.

 

C.   Don’t speak evil of the other side (Jam. 4:11a).

 

Speak not evil one of another…

 

1.    We have a tendency to judge motives.

2.    We have a tendency to attack personalities.

3.    We have a tendency to find fault or sin.

 

D.   Confront the problem as tightly as possible (Matt.18:15).

 

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him fault between thee and him alone:  if he shall hear thee thou hast gained thy brother.

 

1.    There is no need to make a problem more public than it is.

2.    NOTE:  False teachers tell us that we should confront them privately before publicly rebuking them.  Their teachings are usually congregationally known or scattered throughout the brotherhood when they say this.  The Bible teaches that we are to mark and avoid them (Rom. 16:17).

 

Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.

 

E.   Possess a forgiving spirit (2 Tim. 4:16).

 

At my first answer no man stood with me, all men forsook me:  I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge.

 

F.    Never compromise Biblical principles (Ex., church growth should not involve things such as instruments of music in worship, perversions of a woman’s role in the church, etc., see Gal. 1:8-9).

 

II.           STEPS TO RESOLVING CONFLICT

 

A.   Confront problems immediately (Acts 6:2-3).

 

Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said…

 

1.    Small problems can become large problems (1 Cor. 5:6).

 

Your glorying is not good.  Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?

 

2.    Some elderships ignore problems unless they are personally impacted.

a.    It hurts morale.

b.    It breeds of selfishness.

c.    It can cause the church to lose her members.

 

B.   Accurately define the problem.

1.    Make certain that the problem being addressed is the real problem.

2.    Write the problem down on piece of paper.

 

C.   Brainstorm for solutions.

1.    Think of as many ways as possible to solve the problem.

2.    Write down every way conceivable.

3.    Brainstorming often creates new solutions to problems.

4.    Don’t be afraid to get wise counsellors to be in the discussions if needed.

a.    Matthew 18:16

b.    Proverbs 11:14; 15:22; 24:6

5.    It is okay to compromise at times.

6.    It is okay to suffer a wrong (Ex., Abraham and Lot, Gen.13:8-10).

 

D.   Look for the third solution.

 

Individual                   solution/needs          PROBLEM                   solution/needs          Individual

 

                                                                The Third Solution

 

The third solution seeks to satisfy both needs and solve the problem.

 

E.   Implement the proposed solution.  Set a date to review the results.

 

F.    Review the problem and solution.

1.    If the problem is fixed, all is well.

2.    If the problem remains, select another solution and attempt again.

 

CONCLUSION

 

A.   The conflicts that can be faced in the church are many and varied in nature: false teaching, finance, division, immorality, lukewarmness, disagreements, injustices, leadership struggles, and dying churches are a few problems that can arise.

 

B.   Recently, I heard a person make this statement about problems:  “It is better to solve problems before they ever arise.”

1.    Anticipation

2.    Preparation

3.    Submission (to God)