I SURE DO FEEL LONELY

Victor M. Eskew

 

INTRODUCTION

 

A.   The very first thing God called “not good” was man’s aloneness (Gen. 2:18).

 

And the LORD God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him.

 

B.   God responded to man’s aloneness by creating Eve from his rib and presenting her to him as his wife (Gen. 2:21-24).

 

C.   Loneliness was not solved completely for the human race just because a wife was created for Eve.  All of us have probably experienced loneliness from time to time in our lives.

1.    Children experience loneliness.

2.    Teens experience loneliness.

3.    Adults experience loneliness.

4.    The elderly experience loneliness.

5.    Men and women experience loneliness.

6.    Individuals of all races experience loneliness.

7.    Everyone can, and most likely has, experienced loneliness.

 

D.   In this lesson, let’s look take a look at loneliness under the title:  “I Sure Do Feel Lonely.”

 

I.             WHAT IS LONELINESS?

 

A.   Some believe that loneliness simply involves being alone.

1.    But, a person can be alone and not feel lonely.

2.    And, a person can be with one or many people and still feel lonely.

 

B.   Loneliness is an emotional response to certain situations and difficulties in our lives.

1.    Emotional response:  distant from others, no warm connections, fear, anxiety, sorrow, emptiness, a longing to be elsewhere, even alone, self-pity, unworthiness, self-doubt, depression, shame, hopelessness

2.    What type of things created our loneliness?

a.    We might create our own loneliness

1)    We can withdraw.

2)    We can perceive something incorrectly.

3)    We recognize our differences.

b.    Others might create our loneliness.

1)    They dislike us.

2)    They misunderstand us.

3)    They protect their “group.”

c.    A tragic event might create our loneliness.

1)    Physical handicap or disability

2)    Divorce

3)    Death

4)    A painful memory

5)    Loss of purpose (injury, fired, retirement)

C.   There are two major components that create loneliness.

1.    A lack of a “who” in our lives (parent, spouse, children, friends/peers, church family)

2.    A lack of “what” in our lives.

a.    The right “who” often provides the right what:  joy, affirmation, security, completeness, connection to the past, companionship, the feeling of being needed

b.    If we have the right what, we may not need a who:  freedom, control, independence, other creatures, a sense of purpose.

1)    People who live in the wilderness.

2)    People who work very remote jobs (i.e., captain of a lighthouse)

3)    People who practice isolation (i.e., monks in a monastery)

 

II.           BIBLE EXAMPLES OF LONELINESS

 

A.   We have already mentioned Adam at the beginning of the Creation (Gen. 2:20).

 

And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

 

B.   Job was a lonely man.

1.    His children were taken from him (Job 1:18-19).

2.    His wife gave him poor counsel (Job 2:9).

3.    His friends were miserable counselors (Job 16:2).

4.    He questioned the God whom He served (Job 13:3).

 

C.   David was lonely at times (Ps. 25:16).

 

Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted.

 

D.   Elijah felt alone when he fled from the threats of Jezebel (1 Kings 19:10)

 

And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts:  for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.

 

E.   The widow of Nain (Luke 7:12)

 

Now when he came nigh to the gate of the city, behold, there was a dead man carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow:  and much people of the city was with her.

 

F.    Jesus at Calvary

a.    The apostles fled in the Garden.

b.    The Jews, His own people, rejected Him.

c.    He was counted guilty when He was completely innocent.

d.    He hung as a criminal between two thieves.

 

G.   Paul in prison (2 Tim. 4:16)

 

At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me…

 

1.    In prison

2.    Forsaken by his companions

3.    No assistance from the outside

 

III.         WHAT LONELINESS IS NOT

 

A.   Loneliness is not a figment of the imagination.

 

B.   Loneliness is not a lack of faith.

 

C.   Loneliness is not a failing of God.

 

D.   Loneliness is not a mental illness.

 

E.   Loneliness is not something one must accept and live with.

 

IV.         CONTROLLING AND OVERCOMING LONELINESS

 

A.   Realize the source.

1.    Question:  “What is causing my loneliness?”

2.    The answer can go a long way in healing loneliness.

a.    What if I am the problem?  Perhaps I need to try to fit in more, be more accepting, quit being so critical.

b.    When an individual loses someone in death, the loneliness involves the “whats” that individual gave them:  fun, laughs, companionship, stability, security, wealth, encouragement, etc.  NOTE:  This is why some individuals get married quickly after losing a mate.  They are not trying to replace the mate.  They are trying to acquire some of the things their mate used to give them.

 

B.   Think properly.

1.    In Philippian 4:8, Paul tells us some things upon which we should think.  One of the things is:  “whatsoever is true.”

2.    We often use extreme words that really do not reflect the reality of the situation:  nobody, everybody, nothing, everything, never, always, etc.

3.    Example:  Elijah was alone because he was not thinking correctly.  He believed he was the only one faithful in Israel.  When God spoke to him, He revealed to the prophet that there were many more who were serving God (1 Kings 19:18).

 

Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.

 

C.   Find your “what” again.

1.    Remember, loneliness is often tied to a “what” and not necessarily a certain person.

2.    I want acceptance.

I go to a group to find that acceptance.

While in the group, I am still lonely.

Could it be that I am in the wrong group?

3.    Example:  Did Paul ever really feel comfortable and “at home” with the other apostles?

a.    He respected them, and they respected him. 

b.    He visited with them, but we never read of his traveling with them. 

c.    Paul did not spend large amounts of time in Jerusalem. 

d.    He used an apostle like Peter as both a positive example and a negative example.

e.    Listen to Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 15:8-9.

 

And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.  For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.

 

f.     Paul created his own circle of individuals around him.  In that group, he found acceptance. 

 

D.   Allow God to be your “who” and your “what.”

1.    God is a real being with whom we can share a relationship

a.    Ephesians 1:4-6

1)    He hath chosen us in him (v. 4)

2)    Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children (v. 5)

3)    He hath made us accepted in the beloved (v. 6)

b.    God will never leave us.

1)    Hebrews 13:5b

 

…for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

 

2)    God was with Elijah when he fled from Jezebel.

God was with Daniel in the lion’s den

God was with Paul in Corinth.

God was with Paul in the Roman prison (2 Tim. 4:16-17).

 

At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me…Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me…

 

2.    God is able to supply every need that we could ever have.

a.    Two verses:

1)    Philippians 4:19

 

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

 

2)    2 Corinthians 9:8

 

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.

 

b.    NOTE:  We often contrast needs versus wants.  Here, we must definitely make that distinction.  God may not fulfill every want, but He can satisfy every need (Ps. 37:25).

 

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

 

CONCLUSION

 

A.   Loneliness is a real affliction that impacts almost every human being at some point in life.

 

B.   Loneliness has two elements: a who and a what.

 

C.   Loneliness can be caused by self, others, or difficult, often tragic, events.

 

D.   We can fight loneliness.  The best way to do this is by

1.    Developing a true, meaningful relationship with God.

2.    Allowing God to take care of all our needs.

3.    NOTE:  Anything that we receive beyond what God provides is like frosting and cherries on the top.

 

E.   James 4:8a

 

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you…