HANDLING PERSONAL OFFENCES WITH BRETHREN

Matthew 18:15-17

Victor M. Eskew

 

INTRODUCTION

 

A.   When groups of people come together, there will be problems and conflicts that develop between them from time to time.

 

B.   Just because the church is composed of Christians does not mean that they are exempt from personal offences between each other.

 

C.   NOTE:  Even the apostles had their conflicts.

1.    James and John versus the other apostles.

a.    James and John, along with their mother, approached Jesus with a request (Matt. 20:21).

 

…She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom.

 

b.    This upset the other apostles (Matt. 20:24).

 

And when the ten heard it, they were moved with indignation against the two brethren.

 

2.    There was a conflict recorded between Paul and Barnabas over John Mark in Acts 15:36-41, esp. v. 39.

 

And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other…

 

3.    In the book of Philippians, there seems to have been a rift between two women of the church (Phil. 4:2).

 

I beseech Euodias, and beseech Synteche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.

 

D.   The question is not “if” conflicts will occur.  The real question:  “How are we to handle these conflicts when they arise?”

 

E.   Jesus answers this question for us in Matthew 18:15-17.

 

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone:  if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained by brother.  But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.  And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church:  but he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican. 

 

 

 

I.             THE TRESPASS

 

A.   Jesus does not deny the reality of trespasses.  “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee…”

 

B.   Trespass:

1.    Strong (264):  to miss the mark, to err, morally to sin

2.    Thayer:  to miss the mark, to err, to wander from the path of righteousness, to wander from the law of God, to violate God’s law, to sin

3.    Vine:  to sin

 

C.   The trespass involves a “sin” committed against you.

1.    A lie is a sin.

2.    Bearing false witness is a sin.

3.    Being cursed at is a sin.

4.    Being angry without a cause is a sin.

5.    Physically hurting another is a sin.

6.    Stealing is a sin.

7.    Gossiping is a sin.

8.    Failing to fulfill your responsibilities is a sin.

 

D.   There are things, however, that our brothers or sisters might do to us that we believe are trespasses, but they are not.

1.    Correcting an error is not a trespass (The apostles by Jesus, Mark 14:6).

2.    Rebuking a sin is not a trespass (Peter by Jesus, Matt. 16:23).

3.    Offending, that is, hurting your feelings is not a sin (The Pharisees toward the Christ, Matt. 15:12-14).

 

II.           THE PROCESS (Threefold)

 

A.   One-on-One (Matt 18:15)

 

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone…

 

1.    The Meeting

a.    Go

1)    The word “go” indicates action on our part.

2)    We are not to remain silent about a sin committed against us.

a)    Silence continues the strained relationship.

b)    Silence often breeds anger and hostility.

c)    Silence might lead to a bigger problem in the future.

b.    Tell him his fault

1)    We are to go to the individual who has sinned against us.

2)    We are not to go to others and spread tales.

3)    Important considerations:

a)    It is the fault that is to be discussed.

b)    Both individuals have responsibilities in the discussion.

-      Remember important concepts like love, peace, and unity.

-      Speak with kindness (Eph. 4:32).

-      Be receptive to feedback (David was receptive to Abigail (1 Sam. 25 24, 32).

-      Admit wrongs (2 Sam. 12:13).

-      Be willing to forgive (Col. 3:13).

-      Pray to the Father (NOTE:  Matt. 18:20)

 

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

 

c.    Between thee and him alone

1)    This is a one-on-one meeting to discuss the trespass.

2)    No other individuals need to be involved in the process.

2.    NOTE:  This may be all that is needed to heal the relationship (Matt. 18:15b).

 

…if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

 

B.   Witnesses (Matt.18:16a)

 

But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more…

 

1.    Sometimes two individuals cannot work out their differences between themselves. 

2.    Misunderstanding, anger, stubbornness, ulterior motives, and pride can keep barriers between two individuals.

3.    In such cases, the one who has been offended should take one or two with and confront the individual again.

a.    Notice that the number is limited to just one or two.  The ultimate will of God is for as few individuals as possible to know of personal matters between brethren.

b.    These individuals become witnesses (Matt. 18:16b).

 

…that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

 

1)    They hear the case from both sides.

2)    They know a trespass has been committed.

3)    They can use their influence to help resolve the situation.

4.    These individuals need to be of very good character:  honest, knowledgeable, temperate, just, loving, kind, confidential, etc.

 

C.   The church (Matt. 18:17)

 

And if he neglect to hear them, tell it to the church…

 

1.    The Greek word for “church” here is ekklesia.

a.    Some commentators believe it refers to the entire congregation.

b.    Others state it refers to the representatives of the church, that is, the church leaders who make decisions for the congregation.

2.    The purpose of this step is to put more pressure upon the one who has trespassed. 

a.    It is hoped that he will hear the church and will turn from his iniquity.

b.    The salvation of souls and restored relationships is the ultimate desire of God.

3.    If the sinner will not turn after this third step, the consequence is severe (Matt. 18:17b).

 

…but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen and a publican.

 

a.    Heathens were those outside the realm of God’s people.

b.    Publicans were considered traitors and were despised and rejected by the Jews for the most part.

c.    The idea Jesus presents is that no fellowship is to be given to this person until the individual is willing to turn from his iniquities.

 

CONCLUSION

 

A.   Human beings are not perfect, even after becoming Christians.

1.    We sin.

2.    Sometimes we sin against our brothers and sister in Christ.

 

B.   Jesus has given a way for these conflicts to be healed.

1.    It takes character.

2.    It takes courage.

3.    It takes confrontation.

4.    It takes commitment.

5.    It takes compliance.

 

C.   Let’s close with two verses.

1.    One from the Old Testament (Ps. 133:1)

 

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

 

2.    One from the New Testament (Eph. 4:3)

 

Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.